Kaighty

Sensitivity...

2011-11-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

I had gone through a phase where my very delicate-sensitive nature had become tough. Well the toughest I have ever been. I find myself slipping back into that sensitivity. More and more each day I feel the pressures, stresses and disappointments weighing me down. I know that I can't let disappointments lead my life, however, maybe it is indeed okay to be sensitive. If I am sensitive to the needs of others, if I am sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and maybe, just MAYBE it IS okay for me to have sensitive feelings. I wish that the things people said and did, didn't bother me. I wish broken promises or intentions didn't hurt the way they do. I wish that relationships didn't mean so much. That is a very sad thing for me to say. I really do try to be honest, sincere and loving with all those I interact with, but when I don't feel that reciprocated I start to wonder...who is this for? And if it doesn't matter to the other person...WHY should it matter to me? That isn't the person I have ever been, nor will I ever be that way. I will give and go out of my way and give the benefit of the doubt time and time again, even when it hurts that it isn't returned. Even when all I want to do is cry because this time was going to be different, this time *I* was going to be the priority. Now I am in NO way claiming to be a saint. I make my fair share of mistakes. I say the wrong thing, or I drop the ball...QUITE often, but I try, I hope I am helpful and not just a nuisance. None the less, THIS is who I am! Sensitive! Maybe I shouldn't try to change me. I just need to realize that a lot of things happen, and when I am SO sensitive I am really only hurting myself. Wish I could turn that off!

Today...

2011-11-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

WHY is it SO hard to accept that some people love me...the people I crave to love me, that DO in fact love me? Maybe this is just me. That self confidence issue that comes up so often in my life. It makes me laugh when people say "Oh you are so confident." It's an act people. On the self worth scale I'm running on empty. Of course it is sometimes harder than other times. This is one of those hard times. One of those "I'm not good enough, I don't deserve anything..." kind of times. Why do I feel this way? I know I have a loving Heavenly Father that loves me. I have family and friends who think the world of me. Why don't I love me? Sometimes I feel pretty fantastic about my accomplishments...and other times I see how very, very far I have left to go and it seems pointless, hopeless...like I might as well give up. I'm normally a pretty positive gal. I like to find the positive in any kind of situation...except it seems, when it is my own situation. It is easy to put on a brave face for everyone else, but what happens when I shut the door and "everyone" is gone. "Muster up optimism for myself?" I say. Not a chance! Writing this feels good. Getting these thoughts out of my head is a relief. I sometimes wonder how I can seem so "happy" on the outside when I feel so oposite on the inside.

Such a downer lately...

10-30-11

2011-10-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

It has been a VERY long time since I last posted, and for some reason tonight it feel like I was called to write.

This time of year is always hard for me. It marks the time I lost my dad. Why it still affects me so I'm not really sure. However, it does...every year. I think about those stinkin' what ifs, and all the things I need to be doing to follow my Heavenly Father's plan to get us all back together. We have done the temple work for my mom and dad, and guess what mom and dad, you are sealed...we will see if that takes. Haha! Our last step is to get sealed together as a family. As I progress forward in this task that I always deemed impossible I feel blessed, confused, excited, worried, and hopeful. I know that my Heavenly Father will work it all out in the end. This mortal mind limits me from comprehension and I still worry. I miss my parents. I miss my mom. I miss having that one person I could tell ANYTHING to and never feel embarrassed. I miss the advice she gave, and the way she would listen to me no matter how many times I repeated myself. I miss the times when I just needed to say something and have no advice, which she gave me anyways and I got annoyed. I want that someone who is my very own to talk to and tell things to without fear. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I cherished those moments we had. It is times like tonight when I am so uncertain about so much that I want totalk to her.

I have had SO many changes through out the last year. I cannot even begin to list them all! I got to a point where I was really happy in Havasu. Socially happy that is. I have family, a great ward, awesome friends, people I can't imagine not having in my life every day. The thought of leaving these people "behind" caused a terrible ache in me and I had no idea how I would ever be able to part. However, I wasn't happy with my job, and I couldn't wait to move on in that respect. Now, I absolutely love my job, but I feel like I am socially ready to move on. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I don't love and adore all those people mentioned above, I have just realized that my life is one that is just starting, I get to create whatever I want. I get to be and to have whatever I set my mind to. I cannot tag along on someone else's life. Why is it that when you finally feel settled or comfortable in one area your mind changes about something else? I wish my head and my heart could get on the same page! There is so much I want to do and see, and part of me feels like "sitting" here in Havasu leads no where.

This is what happens when I stay up late and contemplate my life. More to come...

Confused about not being confused.

2010-07-25T23:32:00.001-07:00

I felt like this post needed it's very own space

I know that I am at the stage in my life where marriage is a GREAT goal. It is what I want, it is what I SHOULD want. However, it's not that easy! Finding a worthy, dateable, funny, compassionate, church loving man is NOT simple. Especially when yo live somewhere like HAVASU!

And then there is this side of me that says: "Hey, you are good at being single. You have a great life. You are living worthy, you are blessed like CRAZY. You have the job you want, you have had the opportunity to be close to family. You don't have to worry about LEARNING to live with someone. You don't have to think about making someone happy, or learning how to be happy with someone. Life is good. And if you are worthy the Lord will make it right." That's a cheap way out.

And why is it when you DO find someone who you could like...that likes you, there are obstacles. Like: the distance between you...geographically, AND spiritually! A friend told me tonight, (and I am paraphrasing...I am sure she wont mind...) "You are living RIGHT, you do not want to get into a situation where you have to start 'fixing' things." It is SO true. I don't want to have to "get there" I AM there. I want to find someone who is there too!!!

I am also starting to realize that as much as single life is wonderful I am missing out on things like:

Loving

Being loved

Sharing thoughts/feelings

Making a home

Being sealed and having the wonderful blessings of the temple

Having children

Having someone to make decisions with

Laughing with someone who gets YOU

Smiling and knowing what the other is thinking

Having goals together

Staying up late and giggling

Going on dates

Sharing secrets

Snuggling

Holding hands

Sitting with that special someone at church

The priesthood in my home

Someone to call my own...and have him call me his

Fighting over what movie to watch

Laughing at the disasters we encounter

Being a wife

Being a mother

Feeling wanted

Love for eternity!

I have also come to the realization that *I* Kathryn M. Scott CAN be picky about who I marry!! For some reason people think they should "settle" or instead HOPE things will get better or change in a person. I am ALL for being positive. But WHY would I decide to choose someone who cannot take me to the temple, who cannot offer me the priesthood. WHY would I NOT fight with everything I have to make happen what I know is right. What I KNOW the Lord wants. What I KNOW, without ANY doubt in my mind, heart and spirit to be true? I say to you I WILL!! I will NOT settle. I will live worthy, and let the Lord do the rest! It's not too much to ask, because I KNOW the Lord provides a way!

Things I MUST have in an Eternal Companion:

Worthy/Active Priesthood holder

CAN and WANTS to take me to the temple

Service oriented

Wants children

Can laugh at himself and with me

Has and makes goals

Wants to be better, and help me be better

Isn't complacent

Appreciates music

Good Listener

Easy/out going

There are probably a lot more...maybe I will update as they come to me...But that is a pretty good start!

Now...just to BECOME all of those things so I make it fair game!

Oh the chaos!

2010-07-25T23:13:00.001-07:00

Alright so I haven't blogged in like a MILLION years!! Life has been CRAZY! I last blogged in January...let's see so that is...6...nearly 7 months. I feel as though I have failed. Remember that goal about being a better blogger? Alas, I am trying.

Events in my life since January:
I have completed my first year of teaching!! Woo-hoo!! It was amazing! I had the best group of kids EVER!! I miss them a lot, but I am excited for them to move on, and am super excited to be teaching KINDERGARTEN this year. That has always been my dream so I am pretty stoked.

I went to girl's camp and have a FANTASTIC time!! We went to Pine Valley Utah, and it was one of the best experiences ever!!! I seriously love the young women's program!

I got realeased from my primary teacher calling and am now primary chorister. (Ask me in a few more weeks if I am excited...;)

I have had the opportunity to have friends come visit! Pam has been here, Pam and Whitney have been here. Amber has visited. I had a complete blast with all of them and hope they felt the same way!!! I want them to come back!!! I have also had the opportunity to go and visit friends and family and I am grateful for those wonderful opportunities!

I have been endowed for a year. Holy CRAZY!! Where did time go?? I have a goal to make it to the temple every month as I head down the two year mark. I started by going in July! Whoot!

Let's see how I have been doing on my goals...

1 - Becoming a better teacher - I am working on it. I don't think this goal will ever stop and I am WAY excited to start the new year.

2 - Taking time for me - well, I'm not sure it has been constructive...but it is a work in progress.

3 - Reading scriptures - I am WORKING on it. A struggle as always but today in church I had an overwhelming desire to be better. To have the Holy Ghost with me ALWAYS, to make sure I take time to feel the comforter around me. I'm going to stop being afraid to ask for that comfort.

4 - Giving my all in my calling - well it is a new calling, and I am trying to be excited as I face new challenges, I will let you know how it goes.

5 - Appreciate friends and family - I am trying to not take them for granted. I know I need to be better at showing my love and appreciation to them.

6 - Saving money - Let's skim over that....haha, I did really well not running out of money for the summer. Does that count??

7 - Voice lessons - remember that money comment? Well it got tight. So, I had to stop...but I hope to try again someday!

8 - Making friends -WOW! This is a hard one when you live in a town where there are not very many people yor age...so it is a working goal!

9 - Attending the temple - As stated above, I am excited to be going. I LOVE the temple!!

10 - Keeping up on laundry - Is this a fair chore?? Haha, Sometimes I am better than others...

11 - Listening to the Holy Ghost - It is something I am learning to be guided by. I need to utilize this AWESOME gift. And I have really and truly started to understand that you don't have to have a smack upside the head...or even a whisper to know what to do. If you are living the way you should a lot of times the answers come without long deliberation. You are guided by having that strength and conviction already in your heart and mind.

Gigi's 90th Birthday/Goal Update/Scripture Reading

2010-01-09T22:07:00.000-08:00

Happy 90th Birthday Gigi!

Today was my Gigi's 90th Birthday. We had a fabulous family get together/party for her birthday. I know that we take Gigi for granted because she doesn't seem anywhere close to 90! It is crazy how active and with it she is. It was fun to get a picture of all of us and just enjoy the company. Hopefully I will have more pictures to post soon!

My goals are going pretty good so far. I have been reading my scriptures everyday and have been excited to start going to Institute and have made some new friends. We have also decided to start an FHE group. We start Monday at my house, and I am making chocolate pie with graham cracker crust and whip cream! I think this is going to be super exciting! Laundry has been pretty successful thus far (Thanks to the help of Lizz). And temple attendance will resume once again on January 23rd, I cannot WAIT to go!! Saving money is one of those terrible things that I am not good at, but I will keep on trying. As for the rest I feel as though I love my family and friends, I am excited for voice on Tuesday, and taking time for me is coming in small but adequate doses!

During my scripture reading I have had some interesting insights. I feel like things are starting to make more sense to me and have a real life application. I have read the Book of Mormon before, but I feel like this time I am able to apply scripture to my life even more. As I was reading in 1 Nephi, he was talking about Lehi's vision. I was reading about the iron rod and the tree, and how Lehi wished his family would partake of the fruit. He spoke of the iron rod and how the people were holding tight and walking to the tree to partake of the fruit. As the mist of darkness came those people who had ALREADY partaken of the fruit fell away because of the temptations of the Devil.

And it got me thinking (Okay so this is an elementary concept I should have connected a LONG time ago, but I am trying people!) the fruit is the love of God, it is His truth and his word. This overwhelming sense of sadness came over me, these people knew God, they knew His word and His love, and they were still tempted to stray. It broke my heart to think this is possible. To think that bad things have happened to people with a testimony and instead of clinging to God's love, they withered away into Satan's domain and were left to feel sorrow and an ache that will never be filled. I never want anyone to know what that feeling is like.

This makes me want to remind people of what they have. It makes me want to share the gospel with EVERYONE! I wish I was braver, I wish I knew HOW! But I vow to try harder, because the sorrow I feel at this very thought moves me to action. I love this gospel! It is true, and I have taken it for granted, because I always knew it was there, it was comfortable and easy and safe. But how dare I do that! I have the true and restored gospel of Jesus Christ! I want to be better!

2010

2010-01-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

2010 is a year of new commitments. A year of realizing my potential. I have never had a new year feel quite like this. I have so many things I want to accomplish, see, feel, dream. I want to live! I know 2010 is the year of making my life everything I want it to be. I have so many things I am excited for. So here and now I am going to list some of the things I hope to accomplish or become more successful at this year.

1. Becoming a better teacher. I have learned SO much in the past 5 months. I am so looking forward to starting a new semester with my students. I have a lot of ideas that are really getting me jazzed!!
2. Taking time for me. I have realized that when I am stressed and overwhelmed I shut down. I know this may sound funny, but it is HARD to live like that! I need to let myself de-stress and relax! That means a little pampering now and then.
3. Reading my sciptures EVERY day! I have always struggled with getting into a schedule/habit. This year my goal is to read everyday. It helps me to have this written down, because now I am more accountable, and it will drive me crazy if I don't stick with it!
4. Giving my all in my calling. I am now the primary teacher for the 10 year olds in my ward. So far in the class, we have 2 boys who are active. I find this calling very intimidating!! Wish me luck!
5. Appreciating my friends and family. I am extremely blessed with wonderful people in my life. I need to show my appreciation for them more. I hope to be a better sister, daughter, grand daughter, friend, teacher, colleague, child of God.
6. Saving money! I hope to be able to put some money away for a rainy day, and use both my money and time more wisely.
7. Voice lessons. I hope to really dedicate myself and become the best I can be.
8. Making friends. Living in Havasu has been a challenge due to the lack of people my age. It has been lonely at times and I hope that I can put myself out there more.
9. Attending the Temple. I have enjoyed the temple SO much this year, but there always room for improvement in the area of attendance. My goal is to make it no less than once a month.
10. Keeping up on laundry. I am TERRIBLE at it. There are ALWAYS so many clothes, hopefully in 2010 I won't change so much!

So once I got started I was satisfied with nothing less than 10. I hope that this year is a new beginning for all of us. A year of becoming better people, kinder, gentler, softer spoken, caring, encouraging, loving, appreciating, people. It doesnt matter what has happened in the past, if we recommit and have a desire to be better, the BEST is yet to be!!

Happy 2010!

11. Listening to the Holy Ghost! After typing this post I navigated away from this page thinking I had saved it. A message popped up that said, "Are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?" Without reading I clicked "ok." I had one of those feelings telling me "don't do that," but I did it anyway! Uhg! I hate when I don't listen!!! So when I went to view my blog this post wasn't there. LUCKILY, blogspot saves posts as drafts... In 2010, I am going to LISTEN!!!!

P.S. I am officially a certified teacher in the state of Arizona! Its about time!!

First Grade!

2009-07-29T16:59:00.000-07:00

They say good things come to those who wait!! I got a First Grade teaching position at Telesis Preparatory Academy! I am signing my contract on Thursday, and get to start working in my room!! I have been so richly blessed, especially as of late. It seems like the Lord never stops blessing me! I am in no way complaining, I just hope I keep up on my end! Pictures of my room will follow as soon as I get all set up! Thank you to everyone who has always had faith in me. To everyone who encouraged me, and told me to never give up. I have been blessed with amazing family, and friends! I know there are a lot of people who are still searching for jobs, all I can say is that when it comes you realize it was worth the wait!!

WICKED AWESOME!!!

2009-07-29T16:53:00.001-07:00

Yes! That's right! I went to see WICKED! It was AMAZING!!!! I have never seen anything so cool in my LIFE! I had never seen a professional production before, and it took my breath away! The cast was incredible. I was awe struck by their voices and the clarity and feeling of the whole show! I will definitely go again someday, and I would recommend it to ALL!

Mesa and Baby Paxton!!

2009-07-29T16:45:00.001-07:00

Whilest in Mesa, Pam and I decided to have a photo shoot with Lil' Paxton. He is the CUTEST thing!! We had a lot of fun!!

I also had a great time going to Allison's bridal shower, but I have been forbidden to post any pictures, so I guess you just have you use your imagination!!

I Love to See the Temple....

2009-07-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I went to the temple on July 11, 2009. I can't even begin to express my love for the temple. Not only are the blessings and opportunities incredible, but being inside the temple is the most peaceful feeling there is. I have heard this statement said many times throughout my life, and while I was in the temple I kept waiting for this overwhelming feeling to come, and then I realized...."Hey, this is IT!" I love the way you are completely taken out of the world. Your mind dwells on peace, love, calmness and serenity. I have never loved any place as much as I love the temple.
I was blessed to have family and friends attend my endowment session. It was a truly memorable day!

NAU Graduation!

2009-05-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

Graduation was INCREDIBLE!!! I had decided A LONG time ago that I wasn't going to walk. But luckily, I know some AMAZING people who encouraged me to go ahead and do it and I couldn't be happier!!! It was such an awesome experience! I got to see great friends, and experience something that really is quite a big deal. I don't think I give myself enough credit for what I have accomplished and I really should! The feeling is indescribable!!

I am so blessed to have 2 amazing sisters who spent Friday and Saturday with me in Flag, and we had a blast. I don't take enough time to tell my sisters how much they mean to me and I really should! We are very lucky to have each other! I will never forget the sacrifices they made to be with me. It meant the world to me to have them there!!

I also had 2 very special people come up just for me and my graduation. The Openshaws! They are as close to family as you can get without being related! They will never truly know how much it meant to me to have them there! Brother and Sister Openshaw have truly been like another set of parents to me and I couldn't have been any prouder than to share my graduation with them!

I also got to see some super amazing people that I have the privilege to meet, both at EAC and NAU!

Courtney Bond

Olivia

Adrianna Curtis Willis

Diana Pacheco

Renee Gallegos

Emma Purdue and Danielle Washburn

Desiree Villalobos Layton

Student Teaching

2009-05-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

Since I last posted a LOT has happened. I finished my student teaching!! Woo-hoo!! It was one of the most difficult, but most rewarding things I have ever done. It was worth the hardwork, the hearth ache, the trauma, the germs, the confusion, the stress, the feelings of inadequacy but most of all the end result which was gaining amazing friendships with amazing people, and falling in love with 20 third graders!

My kids threw me a surprise party on my last day (Friday May 8, 2009) They made me banners and brought in goodies and gave me the cutest canvas bag that had all their hand prints and names on it! I love it!!

After school Mrs. Page had me walk with her to the lounge. I was kinda confused but I went with it. She called Mary (the school secretary) to make "the announcement." Mary got on the loud speaker and said, "I would like to remind everyone today is Kaighty's last day of student teaching. We welcome you all to the lounge to celebrate." It was so unexpected and so awesome!! I got SO much stuff!! It was incredible! I can't wait to get a classroom and go to town decorating. They also got me an awesome cake!!

I cannot find adequate enough words to describe what the last 4 months have meant to me. I have grown and learned SO much. I may not have originally liked my situation, but persistence proved to be key. I am so blessed to have worked with Mrs. Page, and the great staff at Blake Primary School. It was an incredible journey and I am forever grateful that I was able to complete it in my home town! Thank you to everyone involved! You are marvelous!!

The Cake

Mrs. Tammy Page

Mrs. Janet Carlson

Mrs. "MoKel - Narky" DeLeon

I did it!!

2009-02-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

I PASSED THE AEPA!!! Woooo-hooooo!!! I am sooooooo thankful it is over! Thank you to everyone who believed in me and supported me!! I know I didn't do it alone! A LOT of praying went into this endeavor and I am so grateful I accomplished my goal!!! For all of you who are wondering what the AEPA is...it is the Arizona Educators Proficiency Assessment. Which means after I graduate and send my papers into the state I will be a full fledged teacher!!! It is a HUGE accomplishment and I am more than STOKED!!! YEAH!!!!!

Can You See Friday Yet?

2009-02-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

This is a picture I received from Becca a while back. I put it as my desktop background on my school computer and the kids just love it! And so do I!! It's awesome because she LOVES giraffes, and I LOVE zebras, and teachers LOVE the sanctuary of Friday!!!

February 16-20, 2009

2009-02-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

This week I have really come into my own. I am using skills I have learned, and seeking advice when I need it. Confidence is one of the greatest tools I have. I am enjoying planning all day (except for writing) and really feeling like the class is my own. There can be times when I think I might like to do things a little differently and I tuck those ideas away for my future classroom. I am becoming well acquainted with the staff and school and am loving the freedom it gives me. I am learning to find a balance between serious teacher talk, and candid talks with the students. It is helping the class run more smoothly.

What I have learned this week:
It is important for students to know what really matters. This allows them to not stress about trivial things. I am learning that the classroom should be a place for joyful learning. We don't always have to be absolutely quiet and uptight. Children learn better when they are relaxed and feel safe and accepted. As I give the students more respect and consideration they give the same to me. I have really enjoyed learning about each and every student. Each one has something to bring to the class. Their personalities have brightened my life and I am learning to take something from every experience. Up to this point I have been teaching with my head, and this week I realized that I need to teach with my head AND my heart. I am continually amazed at just how much I am taking from this experience. It is awesome!

Kaighty

Student Teaching

2009-02-15T15:36:00.000-08:00

I kow I haven't update in a VERY long time. I think it is about time I give some reflection on my student teaching. It has been challenging and amazing all at the same time. I have been keeping a weekly journal for NAU and I am going to share it with you here!

January 12-16, 2009
I have had a great week. I am so enjoying getting to know the children. Observing the students has given me a very unique perspective. I am able tosee the inner workings of the classroom. I have to luxury of noticing whomight be an instigator, who needs a little more help and who needs a gentle push in the right direction. I have enjoyed helping Mrs. Page with classroom maintenance. I am becoming familiar with her computerized grade book as well as attendance, lunch policies, and classroom routines, procedures andschedules. This week I have been able to read to the students from their read aloud book after lunch recess. The students get so excited and enthralled with the story; they always want “one more chapter”. I have enjoyed planning my lessons for reading for the week. I am very grateful toMrs. Page she has been an amazing guide. At first I was nervous to just jump in, but she held my hand through the first couple of ideas and let me go. I have enjoyed bouncing ideas back and forth and am looking forward to teaching reading next week.
What I learned this week:
Student teaching thus far has been a great experience. I have learned a lotabout myself as well as navigating around a school as a teacher. I havestarted reading aloud to the class, and have learned that the studentsreally enjoy that. Inflection is a big part of reading aloud and drawing thestudents’ attention. At first I was nervous because I haven’t read aloud ina while, but I found my rhythm rather quickly. I have also learned thatteaching is a journey and experience, and no matter if you are a brand newteacher, or a veteran teacher, it is awesome to share ideas. During myplanning of my reading lesson (I am teaching context clues) I asked Mrs.Page if she had an overhead of the story so that I could model for thestudents how we might look for context clues. She really liked my idea andit made me feel like I really have something to bring to the table. I thinkthe most important thing I learned this week is that I am prepared, and Ishouldn’t be afraid to be creative, I just have to have confidence.

January 20-23, 2009
This was my first week actually teaching. I taught whole group reading inthe afternoons following lunch and recess. I had a difficult first day. Mrs.Page was out of town due to her son having a Dr.'s appt. so I was in theclassroom with a sub. I can see that the students not only act verydifferently when a sub is in the room, but also have a hard time adjustingafter a long weekend. My second day of teaching was MUCH better. I haveenjoyed very much teaching the students. The week has been very successful.I have been a bit stressed as this is my first week to teach; I have beenstudying for the AEPA and am taking both the professional knowledge andsubject knowledge tests tomorrow. I have also been busy working on my 7 steplesson plan for your upcoming visit, and working on ideas for my task streamassignment. It has been hectic!What I learned this week:
Most of the time when kids misbehave it has nothing to do with theteacher. I have learned that I will never know exactly what a student isdealing with at home, and I can never judge their attitude based solely onwhat happens at school. Students for the most part want structure anddiscipline. I have learned that there will sometimes be students who makeyou want to pull out your hair, but as long as you are consistent, fair, andhave their best interest at heart they will come around. I have learned thatalthough you may have a bad day, you get back up on the horse, and the nextday can't be nearly as bad as the day before. I am really enjoying coming upwith ideas and activities to do with the students. My first week I was verynervous about making my lesson plans and felt that my ideas weren't going towork, but this week has showed me that I do have good ideas and there willbe times when what you plan doesn't work, but you just modify and try itagain, or in a different way.

January 26-28, 2009
This week has been challenging. I have been sick with a cold so I have dealt with losing my voice and my hearing hasn’t been as keen as usual. I have enjoyed taking on another subject. It allows me to spend more time in front of the kids and they are starting to see me more as one of their teachers. I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like I am not being as effective as I would like to be. I think I am being a little too hard on myself and I think my sickness has something to do with it. I have felt like I need to run everything past Mrs. Page, but have come to realize that I need to just go with my gut and she will let me know if I need to change or fix something.

What I learned this week:
I have learned that sometimes it is important to just take the reins and run with it. I have relied on Mrs. Page to help me with ideas, but I am realizing that this is my time to come up with ideas. I am also learning that over planning is good, but there are going to be a lot of times that I can’t get to everything in a day and I need to not beat myself up about it. Time management will need to be the next thing I really focus on. I am starting to gain more respect from the students, and as long as I stay consistent they are responding to me in a positive way. It is sometimes hard for me to be “mean" but as several teachers have told me it is important for the student to have structure and become familiar with procedures and respect for others.

February 2-6, 2009
This week has been AMAZING!! I have been really wondering if teaching is what I want to do, and this week reminded me what I have been working for, for so long. I had some lessons that I was really excited about, and really good participation from the kids. They are finally starting to see me as a teacher, their teacher. So I have a lot more authority and acceptance now. I have loved coming to school everyday and making lesson plans, handouts and worksheets. I am realizing that even though at times it is difficult I really do love it. I have a renewed excitement and a new exuberance. It’s been a great week!

What I learned this week:
Parent teacher conferences really aren’t that scary!! This was a shock to me. I anticipated things going badly with at least some parents, but we had 18 out of 19 parents show up and it was awesome! I love teaching! I “knew” I loved it, but I have never taught close to all day everyday. I am amazed at the feeling I get when I teach! It is incredible! I really feel as though I am making an impact. I love when Mrs. Page gets excited about my ideas. It makes me feel like a legitimate teacher. She values what I do and that makes me feel like I am growing ten fold. It has been a week of adventure and discovery!

February 9-13, 2009
This week was one to test my patience. I am realizing that the students react directly to my mood, volume and demeanor. It is incredible how changing just one thing makes the class behave different. This week I have taken over math which leaves only 2 subjects left for me to take on. I I have come to realize that week long lesson plans for so many subjects can sometimes be easier to plan for. It helps me allot time for each and every topic, so I know just how much time I need for each. I love teaching math! The kids have really been into it as well. It is such a hands on subject and the kids really get involved. It's been great.

What I learned this week:
A full moon and or air pressures make or break your kids! It is a crazy phenomenon, but it is REALLY happens! This week I was blessed with encountering both things at once! That made the week....LOUD! I have learned that you will never get the kids to "stop talking" you must DIRECT their talking. "Turn to your shoulder buddy and tell them what line of symmetry means." This allows the students to get talk, but it is useful and increases learning. I have learned that if I want the volume of the kids to go down I must speak softer. I set the tone, they follow. It has been an awesome week of learning and testing myself. Bring on the rest!

Christmas

2008-12-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas was really great this year! I think I have finally matured enough to know it is so much more fun to give than to receive! However, I got some AMAZING presents this year! My family and friends are awesome! It all started back in Flagstaff with a beautiful and soft pink bath robe from Sarah. Then I got new bedding from my mom, a movie and stuffed zebra from LizZ, with the GREATEST compilaton CD EVER....16 versions of....BORN FREE!! Whooo!! Becca got me a "stick" Unicorn and seasons 1 & 2 of One Tree Hill! Gigi got me a movie and a ton of great stuff I needed. I got totally spoiled this Christmas and loved every second of it!! I am grateful I have my family and that we were able to spend time together! It seems we have all had our hardships and trials this year, but it was nice just to be together as a family.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas like I did! I am really grateful for all my friends and family and the support I get year round!

This is my Zebra, Stick Unicorn, and baby unicorn!

A Trip to Mesa

2008-12-25T21:45:00.000-08:00

Since I have moved back to Parker it seems like my vacation has been a whirl wind of appointments and traveling and it is going by MUCH too fast, but it has been fun. Gigi and I decided to take a trip down to Mesa so she could see my Uncle Tom and his family, and I could see Pam. The planning for the trip was a lot more difficult than it should have been, but we finally made it. I dropped Gigi off at Tom's and finally got to Pam's at about 7:30ish.

Pam said we had "plans" and as soon as I got there we jumped in the car and headed out for another adventure. Pam is AMAZING! She took me to see the Mesa Temple lights. I have never even been on the grounds for the Mesa temple so I was ecstatic!! I didn't know we were taking pictures, so after a long day in the car I don't look that great but we had a blast!!

The NAST that will never be DORETED!

2008-12-14T15:45:00.000-08:00

The last month or so has just FLOWN by. So I am officially done with my last semester of taking classes at NAU. I start my student teaching on January 5th, and I'm kinda nervous. I am excited to be back home but it is a bit of an adjustment. I am used to being in a bigger town for one. I am also used to doing what I want when I want to, without worrying about anyone else. It is a crazy change. I am having fun living with my grandma and seeing my sister and mom pretty much every day. I am really trying to organize my room and make it mine as much as possible. It is really hard to feel like you live in a place that isn't yours. So once I get my room all set up maybe I will post some pics.
However, I have to say that I truly enjoyed my time in Flag. Thinking about it makes me a little misty. I met great people, and had some great experiences. In my last post I showcased the best night EVER! Now I will share the NAST!!

I got to hang out with Amber, Stormy and Becky. We had SUCH a fun time! It brought back great memories and made new ones too!

Toboggan...BEST night EVER!

2008-12-14T15:28:00.000-08:00

My roommates Chani and Sarah took me out to dinner and we had a great night. It was the first and last time we had ever gone out like that, but we had a blast! I am glad we did it!

We had Olive Garden for dinner and it was FABULOUS!

Then we went to Coco's for pie. I heard it0 was supposed to be good, but I was not impressed. We did make some pretty good commercials though.

And then we decided to take crazy pictures. Things got a little out of hand. Haha! We made a wicked awesome music/dance video as well.

October, WHY?!

2008-10-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

I decided to differentiate from the last post for this little talk. Ya' see, while I was in Utah, I got a call from my Gigi. She told me my Papa probably wasn't going to make it through the day. As "prepared"as I thought I was for this call, I lost it. And while part of me was FURIOUS with myself for going to Utah when I had a feeling to go home that weekend, I was amazingly comforted by the fact that I was with Amber. She knew my feelings, she knew my Papa. I can't ever express to Amber the gratitude I had for her that day!

I got home to Flag about 6:45, I was debating whether or not to just head straight home as soon as I got here, but my mom and Gigi both told me I needed to stay in Flag and not miss class. As I brought my luggage in from the car I got a call from my sister that said my Papa had passed away. It was so difficult to hear the words, and as sad as I was mostly for my Gigi, I felt a sense of relief that he was no longer in pain. My Gigi and Papa are the crux of our family, and even though we all knew this was inevitable, it still shook us.

I think where I found the greatest strength was my older sister. She was there for my Gigi, and she was there for me. I feel I have grown closer to her from this experience. She made sure I was okay, even in her time of grief, she took care of me. I love her, and probably don't tell her that enough! It is amazing how tragedy or loss can make you really appreciate what you have!

You may be wondering about the Blog title...I would be...October....it isn't just any month, it just so happens to be the month my father passed away 10 years ago. 10 years, nearly half my life he has been gone. My mom said, "Just cry the whole month of October and you will be fine the rest of the year!" I guess loss just makes us stronger. And as weird as this is for me, death isn't quite as scary as it used to be. I don't see it as an end at all anymore. For the first time in my life, I realize that it is just the means to something greater.

A CRAZY trip to UTAH!

2008-10-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

I have ALWAYS wanted to take some crazy long road trip just for the heck of it and this semester I found myself doing JUST that!! As I have mentioned I love Flag, and NAU, but sometimes things get to ya. It may be people, it may be hw, it may be your CRAZY 8am assessment teacher who believes in authentic assessment, but NEVER assesses authentically....that's another post all in itself. When these situations come up and you feel like life is too much, I have the solution. Go on a crazy long road trip and see AMAZING people!! It fixes ya right up!!

That is exactly what I did in the month of October 2008! I went to Provo, where I have never been before, and stayed with my good friends Amber and Ally. I had an AMAZING time. The trip was long, (8 hours) but worth every second! I got to have some amazing laughs, walk up a KILLER BYU hill, pretend to be a BYU student while "studying" in the library, and feel what it is like to NEVER be able to park ANYWHERE!!! It was just about one of the best weekends I have ever had. I don't think I ever properly thanked Amber and Ally. THANK-YOU my lovelies!!! You were there for me when I really needed it! Love you both!!

Flagstaff!

2008-10-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

So my last post was that of my countdown to NAU! Anyone wondering how that turned out? Well ya see, I LOVE IT!!!! My roommates have all been really fun to get to know, and Flagstaff weather is AMAZING in the Summer and beginning of Fall!! I am taking SO many classes, and institute on top of that. I have a calling as the Enrichment Chairperson, (I still can't figure out why I am not Chair Woman, as there will never be an Enrichment Chair MAN, but whatever) and as much stress as I experience I get back ten-fold in blessings. I am not going to pretend I don't have REALLY hard days, and even weeks when I think, "Did I REALLY pick this?!" Overall though, I see the beauty of God in my life, and in the choices I make everyday. I am learning that it does not get easier being a "grown up." I'm not sure why as kids we can't wait for what is inevitable anyway. I will say that taking classes through Distance NAU really gave me an appreciation for the REAL thing. Actually going to classes, and talking to teachers and fellow students is such a resource I have taken for granted.

I also REALLY lucked out when it came to roommates. My fellow "North Wingers" and I have really hit it off. Sarah is AWESOME and Chani and I have become pretty close friends pretty fast. Sometimes I think if we didn't have each other we would be Flagstaff friendless. We have way more fun than should be allowed...

I am also really glad that I am starting to make some friends in my classes. The Senior Education group is surprisingly small, so we run into each other a lot and I am making some good friends.

Mary's Reception

2008-10-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

So a VERY interesting phenomenon has happened in our family...The cousins, starting oldest and working their way down have managed to be married in PERFECT sequential order. My cousin directly older than me just got married. That's right...DIRECTLY older...Dun, Dun, Dun! I have a feeling I might let the family down on this one... Anyhow, I traveled down to Mesa to share in the joyous occasion. I stayed with Pam and it was a pretty fabulous weekend! Mary looked beautiful and it was great to see my Graunt and Gruncle.

The Countdown Begins

2008-08-03T20:38:00.001-07:00

It is a crazy feeling when something you have been waiting SO long for is finally within reach! Of course I am talking about FINALLY going up to Flagstaff to attend NAU. I have been dreaming of NAU and Flagstaff since I started high school. I took detours and every time I got even close to the idea of NAU-Flag something came up. It almost seems surreal that I have 15 days til I leave. I just hope it is everything I want it to be.

Life has its frustrations...but it has good points too!

2008-07-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I last wrote and life doesn't seem to have gotten any easier. My calling is difficult because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the girls. I feel like I'm not reaching them, and like I don't have what they need from me. It seems incredibly overwhelming to do this all by myself. I signed on as 2nd counselor and out of our presidency...I'm the only one left! It's hard to juggle and balance everything I feel like I need to do. I feel let down by the rest of the presidency and yet I know I have to stick it out. This isn't about me, people have problems that will take precedence over other things. One piece of advice to anyone reading...if you do have to abandon something in your life, make sure you do it in a way other people will understand. Communication is a marvelous thing! It only takes a minute or so to say "Hey, my life is upside down right now, I need you to take over, is that cool?" I would be more than happy to handle things. It's harder to find out after the fact.

So along with all those wonderful frustrations comes some really great stuff as well. Life can really surprise you! It is important to take stock and really cherish the great things in your life! My best friend came and stayed a whole week with me! I don't think there is anything better than that in the WHOLE world! We played, and acted stupid, and did all those silly, fun things you can only do with your best friend! It renewed my faith in life and happiness! It can be really hard to feel joy and excitement when life just pushes you down. That's why I'm glad I have an amazing friend like Pam!

I have had a bumpy road with friends. I always seem to be the doormat, or the one who does all the listening. For the first time in my life I know what friendship is! Pam has stuck by me through heartaches, troubles at home, troubles at school, aggravation, frustration, disappointment, depression, loneliness, and the greatest thing of all, true happiness! She's the only person who I can tell anything to and not feel judged, or awkward, or stupid. She makes me feel safe and important. It may seem silly to "need someone to make you feel important" but we all have those times when we wonder if we matter at all, to anyone. With Pam I know that answer is always going to be a yes. Even if its after 12am and I am cranky as all get out! Its a blessing to know what true friendship is. It is a miracle in my life to call Pam my friend!

Another amazing thing in my life is that I have FINALLY been accepted into my apartment in Flagstaff. I know this is really small compared to my last bout of thankfulness, but it is an incredible feeling to know I have a place to live! I have gone through so many housing issues in the last year that I am ELATED to just be settled!! I am finally feeling like I get to have a little piece of my "regular" life back! Its a new phase and I am ready to face it head on!

I guess what I have realized is that life has ups and downs. It is what we take from each experience and how we use it to better ourselves that really matters. If we wallow and don't get back in the game we only end up hurting ourselves. The worst thing we can do, other than wallowing, is taking others down with us. If we need help we should seek it, or allow others to offer, but we should never hold on while we're drowning, if we don't want to be saved.

Girl's Camp

2008-06-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

So I am 2nd Counselor in the YW Presidency and we went to camp June 16th-20th in Taylor, AZ. All-in-all I had a terriffic time at camp! I finally saw what camp is all about from a leader's perspective. I met some great YW leaders, and some great and hysterical young women. Our theme was Steadfast Like the Stars. I think it helped me realize that as long as I stand strong in holy places I will be doing whats right.

I found out that just because someone is supposed to be "leading" you, doesn't mean they will always be the best example! You can't count on anyone else to put you in a good situation. It is only up to us to protect ourselves.

I think this Girl's Camp will be the most memorable no matter how many times I go. Our girls decided....after the second day of camp, that they weren't having fun. So they decided to put hand sanitizer, face wash and hair product in the water and let me drink it. I was so thirsty I chugged about half my bottle and thought, "this doesn't taste right." The girls all laughed, supposedly because of my facial reaction. I finally got 2 of the girls to say they (the whole group) had put some hair stuff in the water as a joke. I said okay, I figured a little practical joke was okay. I started feeling really sick and I didn't want to make the girls feel bad so I didn't say anything. Well on the way home we had a confession. The girls wanted us (myself and the Pres. however she didn't drink it I warned her) to get sick so we would have to go home. I finally felt as though my sickness was verified. I'm not sure what hurt most, that they intentionally made me sick, or that they lied to my face about it. I talked to the Bishop on Sunday, he was supposed to take care of it, but neither he or the YW Pres. have said a thing to the girls. The hurts on top of everything else. I guess I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! Oh well! It just makes it hard for me to feel as though I have a connection to these girls. I guess only time will tell! So I guess camp was tainted, as was I, but I am trying to remember the good parts!

A little accident?

2008-06-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

So I was awakened Thursday to my cell phone ringing. I thought about ignoring it because I was super tired and I wasn't sure I really wanted to talk to anyone who was calling me. However, just on the safe side I checked who was calling. I picked up my phone and it said "GrandPoobah" I was glad I decided to wake up enough to check. I andswered my phone and it was my grandpa, Mr. GrandPoobah. Anyhow, he said "We've had a little accident, can you come down here?" and he was crying, just enough for me to know something was WRONG! I jumped out of bed, threw on a shirt ran down the hallway grabbed my purse, shoes, and keys and bolted out the door. I vaguely remember my mom saying, "What's wrong?" I shouted that there had been an "accident" and I had to GO! I drove faster than I should have and my less than five minute drive seemed to take an eternity. I was crying and praying the whole way, basically that I would have enough strength, and clarity of mind to take care of everything.

I pulled into my grandparents drive way and my grandpa was standing by the car. I ran up and said "Where is she?!" He said she was in her bed. I was so scared and don't think I have ever moved so fast! I walked in and saw THIS...

So my grandma had tripped going up a curb and landed on her knee! It is hard to tell the scale, but her knee looked like a softball was growing out of it! It doesn't look NEARLY as terrifying as it did in person. After seeing my grandma I started to breathe again. While this was bad....it would be okay!

So, I decided to move in with my grandparents until I have to leave for girl's camp on the 16th. It has really been a blessing to spend time with and help my grandparents. My grandma, especially, has done so much for me, and like I have said before, she is pretty much my best friend! I guess being scared poo-less is a pretty good incentive to spend time and enjoy what you have!

Virtue...

2008-05-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

Why is that people seem to think your virtue is only worth something if you have had to stop yourself midway from getting into BIG trouble? Why is it not enough for some people to realize that if you guard your virtue well enough you wont be put in a compromising position in the first place. Seriously, if I hear, "it's easier to fall into it than you think..." ONE more time, I think my head is going to blow up! If you DON'T put yourself there, it WON'T be easy to fall into, comprendo? And why is it that people think because the so called "opportunity" has never passed your way, you have no troubles, no problems, or no trials. Try saving yourself, and then have people tear you down and say you are only "virtuous" because you couldn't get any. We live in a ridiculous world! I wish that people would try to build each other up rather than find the next great dig. I know, I know...some people "didn't mean it the way it came out..." well maybe you need to think before you speak. I've kept myself holy, and clean, and tried to be the best person I could, and you know what. The Lord knows that. I guess I can rest assured that He knows my intentions. For anyone who feels the same way, we ARE good enough, and we should never think that our purity is anything less than a gift to and from God.

Finding out who I am

2008-05-27T18:02:00.000-07:00

I've decided growing up is THE hardest thing to do. Maybe its just the finding out who you are part. I didn't think it was possible to change so much, or change so fast! I feel like one minute I am a scared little girl, and the next, well I'm confident and ready to tackle anything with a slight air of defiance. Who do I WANT to be? I've always been that good little mormon girl. Who says I can't be that girl while also being more. I guess I am just so sick of being the pleaser, the one who wants to make everyone else happy. I guess I am starting to realize that I am not a little girl anymore, I'm a woman, coming into my own. I need to make decisions that benefit me! I need to let go of the stupid drama, and feelings of inadequacy. I have done pretty well for myself. So who cares I am not exactly where I thought I would be. I am on the road with just a slight detour. I am going to take myself and life a little less serious. I am going to care about myself and MY decisions, and not worry over other people's choices. I can't change what is done, it only hurts to dwell. So I guess my new mission in life is to let go of the hurt, the pain, the regret...everything negative that I can't change. I'm only going to linger on the things that are important, and that I can do something about.

Life at it's finest!

2008-05-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I have found myself living at home once again....I kinda didn't think I would ever be back here. It is a trial! Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful!! I am SO happy to not have to pay rent, and I am glad to be near my family! I get to see my Great-Grandmother, (Gigi, Grand-Poobah, G-ma, you may know her as one of these!) she is pretty much my best friend in the whole world!! She gets me, she loves me, and she always encourages me to make the most of myself! She appreciates me for me, and she genuinely compliments me, that always makes a girl feel good!!
Anyhow, the biggest problem with being back home is my lack of social life, my lack of institute and my lack of motivation. It is definitely difficult to be the only young single adult in your town and ward. Luckily I have found an AWESOMELY amazing friend named Steph! She is married and has two kids. She is an example of what I hope to achieve in my life, and I have been privileged to get to know her. She was called to be the Young Women president in our ward, and she called me as her second counselor. We have had such a fun time together and I really feel like we are making a difference. We have our hard times, but with the Lord's help we are plugging along! I never thought I would be in YW so young. I feel like I just left. It amazes me how fast your whole life and outlook can change. I didn't realize I could get so attached and feel so protective, not only so fast, but at all. I enjoy it more than I ever thought I would!
I guess all-in-all it isn't so bad to be home. I love my family, I am grateful for my calling and for finding Steph, those things make all the bad things worth it in the end!

Blogging Virgin

2008-05-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have finally decided to jump on the blogging train! I figure I am more likely to make a record of my life if I get to type and try to make it pretty. So...here goes!