The Countdown Begins

It is a crazy feeling when something you have been waiting SO long for is finally within reach! Of course I am talking about FINALLY going up to Flagstaff to attend NAU. I have been dreaming of NAU and Flagstaff since I started high school. I took detours and every time I got even close to the idea of NAU-Flag something came up. It almost seems surreal that I have 15 days til I leave. I just hope it is everything I want it to be.

Life has its frustrations...but it has good points too!

It has been a while since I last wrote and life doesn't seem to have gotten any easier. My calling is difficult because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the girls. I feel like I'm not reaching them, and like I don't have what they need from me. It seems incredibly overwhelming to do this all by myself. I signed on as 2nd counselor and out of our presidency...I'm the only one left! It's hard to juggle and balance everything I feel like I need to do. I feel let down by the rest of the presidency and yet I know I have to stick it out. This isn't about me, people have problems that will take precedence over other things. One piece of advice to anyone reading...if you do have to abandon something in your life, make sure you do it in a way other people will understand. Communication is a marvelous thing! It only takes a minute or so to say "Hey, my life is upside down right now, I need you to take over, is that cool?" I would be more than happy to handle things. It's harder to find out after the fact.

So along with all those wonderful frustrations comes some really great stuff as well. Life can really surprise you! It is important to take stock and really cherish the great things in your life! My best friend came and stayed a whole week with me! I don't think there is anything better than that in the WHOLE world! We played, and acted stupid, and did all those silly, fun things you can only do with your best friend! It renewed my faith in life and happiness! It can be really hard to feel joy and excitement when life just pushes you down. That's why I'm glad I have an amazing friend like Pam!

I have had a bumpy road with friends. I always seem to be the doormat, or the one who does all the listening. For the first time in my life I know what friendship is! Pam has stuck by me through heartaches, troubles at home, troubles at school, aggravation, frustration, disappointment, depression, loneliness, and the greatest thing of all, true happiness! She's the only person who I can tell anything to and not feel judged, or awkward, or stupid. She makes me feel safe and important. It may seem silly to "need someone to make you feel important" but we all have those times when we wonder if we matter at all, to anyone. With Pam I know that answer is always going to be a yes. Even if its after 12am and I am cranky as all get out! Its a blessing to know what true friendship is. It is a miracle in my life to call Pam my friend!

Another amazing thing in my life is that I have FINALLY been accepted into my apartment in Flagstaff. I know this is really small compared to my last bout of thankfulness, but it is an incredible feeling to know I have a place to live! I have gone through so many housing issues in the last year that I am ELATED to just be settled!! I am finally feeling like I get to have a little piece of my "regular" life back! Its a new phase and I am ready to face it head on!

I guess what I have realized is that life has ups and downs. It is what we take from each experience and how we use it to better ourselves that really matters. If we wallow and don't get back in the game we only end up hurting ourselves. The worst thing we can do, other than wallowing, is taking others down with us. If we need help we should seek it, or allow others to offer, but we should never hold on while we're drowning, if we don't want to be saved.

Girl's Camp

So I am 2nd Counselor in the YW Presidency and we went to camp June 16th-20th in Taylor, AZ. All-in-all I had a terriffic time at camp! I finally saw what camp is all about from a leader's perspective. I met some great YW leaders, and some great and hysterical young women. Our theme was Steadfast Like the Stars. I think it helped me realize that as long as I stand strong in holy places I will be doing whats right.

I found out that just because someone is supposed to be "leading" you, doesn't mean they will always be the best example! You can't count on anyone else to put you in a good situation. It is only up to us to protect ourselves.

I think this Girl's Camp will be the most memorable no matter how many times I go. Our girls decided....after the second day of camp, that they weren't having fun. So they decided to put hand sanitizer, face wash and hair product in the water and let me drink it. I was so thirsty I chugged about half my bottle and thought, "this doesn't taste right." The girls all laughed, supposedly because of my facial reaction. I finally got 2 of the girls to say they (the whole group) had put some hair stuff in the water as a joke. I said okay, I figured a little practical joke was okay. I started feeling really sick and I didn't want to make the girls feel bad so I didn't say anything. Well on the way home we had a confession. The girls wanted us (myself and the Pres. however she didn't drink it I warned her) to get sick so we would have to go home. I finally felt as though my sickness was verified. I'm not sure what hurt most, that they intentionally made me sick, or that they lied to my face about it. I talked to the Bishop on Sunday, he was supposed to take care of it, but neither he or the YW Pres. have said a thing to the girls. The hurts on top of everything else. I guess I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! Oh well! It just makes it hard for me to feel as though I have a connection to these girls. I guess only time will tell! So I guess camp was tainted, as was I, but I am trying to remember the good parts!

A little accident?

So I was awakened Thursday to my cell phone ringing. I thought about ignoring it because I was super tired and I wasn't sure I really wanted to talk to anyone who was calling me. However, just on the safe side I checked who was calling. I picked up my phone and it said "GrandPoobah" I was glad I decided to wake up enough to check. I andswered my phone and it was my grandpa, Mr. GrandPoobah. Anyhow, he said "We've had a little accident, can you come down here?" and he was crying, just enough for me to know something was WRONG! I jumped out of bed, threw on a shirt ran down the hallway grabbed my purse, shoes, and keys and bolted out the door. I vaguely remember my mom saying, "What's wrong?" I shouted that there had been an "accident" and I had to GO! I drove faster than I should have and my less than five minute drive seemed to take an eternity. I was crying and praying the whole way, basically that I would have enough strength, and clarity of mind to take care of everything.


I pulled into my grandparents drive way and my grandpa was standing by the car. I ran up and said "Where is she?!" He said she was in her bed. I was so scared and don't think I have ever moved so fast! I walked in and saw THIS...

So my grandma had tripped going up a curb and landed on her knee! It is hard to tell the scale, but her knee looked like a softball was growing out of it! It doesn't look NEARLY as terrifying as it did in person. After seeing my grandma I started to breathe again. While this was bad....it would be okay!


So, I decided to move in with my grandparents until I have to leave for girl's camp on the 16th. It has really been a blessing to spend time with and help my grandparents. My grandma, especially, has done so much for me, and like I have said before, she is pretty much my best friend! I guess being scared poo-less is a pretty good incentive to spend time and enjoy what you have!

Virtue...

Why is that people seem to think your virtue is only worth something if you have had to stop yourself midway from getting into BIG trouble? Why is it not enough for some people to realize that if you guard your virtue well enough you wont be put in a compromising position in the first place. Seriously, if I hear, "it's easier to fall into it than you think..." ONE more time, I think my head is going to blow up! If you DON'T put yourself there, it WON'T be easy to fall into, comprendo? And why is it that people think because the so called "opportunity" has never passed your way, you have no troubles, no problems, or no trials. Try saving yourself, and then have people tear you down and say you are only "virtuous" because you couldn't get any. We live in a ridiculous world! I wish that people would try to build each other up rather than find the next great dig. I know, I know...some people "didn't mean it the way it came out..." well maybe you need to think before you speak. I've kept myself holy, and clean, and tried to be the best person I could, and you know what. The Lord knows that. I guess I can rest assured that He knows my intentions. For anyone who feels the same way, we ARE good enough, and we should never think that our purity is anything less than a gift to and from God.

Finding out who I am

I've decided growing up is THE hardest thing to do. Maybe its just the finding out who you are part. I didn't think it was possible to change so much, or change so fast! I feel like one minute I am a scared little girl, and the next, well I'm confident and ready to tackle anything with a slight air of defiance. Who do I WANT to be? I've always been that good little mormon girl. Who says I can't be that girl while also being more. I guess I am just so sick of being the pleaser, the one who wants to make everyone else happy. I guess I am starting to realize that I am not a little girl anymore, I'm a woman, coming into my own. I need to make decisions that benefit me! I need to let go of the stupid drama, and feelings of inadequacy. I have done pretty well for myself. So who cares I am not exactly where I thought I would be. I am on the road with just a slight detour. I am going to take myself and life a little less serious. I am going to care about myself and MY decisions, and not worry over other people's choices. I can't change what is done, it only hurts to dwell. So I guess my new mission in life is to let go of the hurt, the pain, the regret...everything negative that I can't change. I'm only going to linger on the things that are important, and that I can do something about.

Life at it's finest!

So I have found myself living at home once again....I kinda didn't think I would ever be back here. It is a trial! Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful!! I am SO happy to not have to pay rent, and I am glad to be near my family! I get to see my Great-Grandmother, (Gigi, Grand-Poobah, G-ma, you may know her as one of these!) she is pretty much my best friend in the whole world!! She gets me, she loves me, and she always encourages me to make the most of myself! She appreciates me for me, and she genuinely compliments me, that always makes a girl feel good!!
Anyhow, the biggest problem with being back home is my lack of social life, my lack of institute and my lack of motivation. It is definitely difficult to be the only young single adult in your town and ward. Luckily I have found an AWESOMELY amazing friend named Steph! She is married and has two kids. She is an example of what I hope to achieve in my life, and I have been privileged to get to know her. She was called to be the Young Women president in our ward, and she called me as her second counselor. We have had such a fun time together and I really feel like we are making a difference. We have our hard times, but with the Lord's help we are plugging along! I never thought I would be in YW so young. I feel like I just left. It amazes me how fast your whole life and outlook can change. I didn't realize I could get so attached and feel so protective, not only so fast, but at all. I enjoy it more than I ever thought I would!
I guess all-in-all it isn't so bad to be home. I love my family, I am grateful for my calling and for finding Steph, those things make all the bad things worth it in the end!