It has been a while since I last wrote and life doesn't seem to have gotten any easier. My calling is difficult because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the girls. I feel like I'm not reaching them, and like I don't have what they need from me. It seems incredibly overwhelming to do this all by myself. I signed on as 2nd counselor and out of our presidency...I'm the only one left! It's hard to juggle and balance everything I feel like I need to do. I feel let down by the rest of the presidency and yet I know I have to stick it out. This isn't about me, people have problems that will take precedence over other things. One piece of advice to anyone reading...if you do have to abandon something in your life, make sure you do it in a way other people will understand. Communication is a marvelous thing! It only takes a minute or so to say "Hey, my life is upside down right now, I need you to take over, is that cool?" I would be more than happy to handle things. It's harder to find out after the fact.
So along with all those wonderful frustrations comes some really great stuff as well. Life can really surprise you! It is important to take stock and really cherish the great things in your life! My best friend came and stayed a whole week with me! I don't think there is anything better than that in the WHOLE world! We played, and acted stupid, and did all those silly, fun things you can only do with your best friend! It renewed my faith in life and happiness! It can be really hard to feel joy and excitement when life just pushes you down. That's why I'm glad I have an amazing friend like Pam!
I have had a bumpy road with friends. I always seem to be the doormat, or the one who does all the listening. For the first time in my life I know what friendship is! Pam has stuck by me through heartaches, troubles at home, troubles at school, aggravation, frustration, disappointment, depression, loneliness, and the greatest thing of all, true happiness! She's the only person who I can tell anything to and not feel judged, or awkward, or stupid. She makes me feel safe and important. It may seem silly to "need someone to make you feel important" but we all have those times when we wonder if we matter at all, to anyone. With Pam I know that answer is always going to be a yes. Even if its after 12am and I am cranky as all get out! Its a blessing to know what true friendship is. It is a miracle in my life to call Pam my friend!
Another amazing thing in my life is that I have FINALLY been accepted into my apartment in Flagstaff. I know this is really small compared to my last bout of thankfulness, but it is an incredible feeling to know I have a place to live! I have gone through so many housing issues in the last year that I am ELATED to just be settled!! I am finally feeling like I get to have a little piece of my "regular" life back! Its a new phase and I am ready to face it head on!
I guess what I have realized is that life has ups and downs. It is what we take from each experience and how we use it to better ourselves that really matters. If we wallow and don't get back in the game we only end up hurting ourselves. The worst thing we can do, other than wallowing, is taking others down with us. If we need help we should seek it, or allow others to offer, but we should never hold on while we're drowning, if we don't want to be saved.
