It has been a VERY long time since I last posted, and for some reason tonight it feel like I was called to write.
This time of year is always hard for me. It marks the time I lost my dad. Why it still affects me so I'm not really sure. However, it does...every year. I think about those stinkin' what ifs, and all the things I need to be doing to follow my Heavenly Father's plan to get us all back together. We have done the temple work for my mom and dad, and guess what mom and dad, you are sealed...we will see if that takes. Haha! Our last step is to get sealed together as a family. As I progress forward in this task that I always deemed impossible I feel blessed, confused, excited, worried, and hopeful. I know that my Heavenly Father will work it all out in the end. This mortal mind limits me from comprehension and I still worry. I miss my parents. I miss my mom. I miss having that one person I could tell ANYTHING to and never feel embarrassed. I miss the advice she gave, and the way she would listen to me no matter how many times I repeated myself. I miss the times when I just needed to say something and have no advice, which she gave me anyways and I got annoyed. I want that someone who is my very own to talk to and tell things to without fear. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I cherished those moments we had. It is times like tonight when I am so uncertain about so much that I want totalk to her.
I have had SO many changes through out the last year. I cannot even begin to list them all! I got to a point where I was really happy in Havasu. Socially happy that is. I have family, a great ward, awesome friends, people I can't imagine not having in my life every day. The thought of leaving these people "behind" caused a terrible ache in me and I had no idea how I would ever be able to part. However, I wasn't happy with my job, and I couldn't wait to move on in that respect. Now, I absolutely love my job, but I feel like I am socially ready to move on. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I don't love and adore all those people mentioned above, I have just realized that my life is one that is just starting, I get to create whatever I want. I get to be and to have whatever I set my mind to. I cannot tag along on someone else's life. Why is it that when you finally feel settled or comfortable in one area your mind changes about something else? I wish my head and my heart could get on the same page! There is so much I want to do and see, and part of me feels like "sitting" here in Havasu leads no where.
This is what happens when I stay up late and contemplate my life. More to come...
