Confused about not being confused.

I felt like this post needed it's very own space

I know that I am at the stage in my life where marriage is a GREAT goal. It is what I want, it is what I SHOULD want. However, it's not that easy! Finding a worthy, dateable, funny, compassionate, church loving man is NOT simple. Especially when yo live somewhere like HAVASU!

And then there is this side of me that says: "Hey, you are good at being single. You have a great life. You are living worthy, you are blessed like CRAZY. You have the job you want, you have had the opportunity to be close to family. You don't have to worry about LEARNING to live with someone. You don't have to think about making someone happy, or learning how to be happy with someone. Life is good. And if you are worthy the Lord will make it right." That's a cheap way out.

And why is it when you DO find someone who you could like...that likes you, there are obstacles. Like: the distance between you...geographically, AND spiritually! A friend told me tonight, (and I am paraphrasing...I am sure she wont mind...) "You are living RIGHT, you do not want to get into a situation where you have to start 'fixing' things." It is SO true. I don't want to have to "get there" I AM there. I want to find someone who is there too!!!

I am also starting to realize that as much as single life is wonderful I am missing out on things like:

Loving

Being loved

Sharing thoughts/feelings

Making a home

Being sealed and having the wonderful blessings of the temple

Having children

Having someone to make decisions with

Laughing with someone who gets YOU

Smiling and knowing what the other is thinking

Having goals together

Staying up late and giggling

Going on dates

Sharing secrets

Snuggling

Holding hands

Sitting with that special someone at church

The priesthood in my home

Someone to call my own...and have him call me his

Fighting over what movie to watch

Laughing at the disasters we encounter

Being a wife

Being a mother

Feeling wanted

Love for eternity!

I have also come to the realization that *I* Kathryn M. Scott CAN be picky about who I marry!! For some reason people think they should "settle" or instead HOPE things will get better or change in a person. I am ALL for being positive. But WHY would I decide to choose someone who cannot take me to the temple, who cannot offer me the priesthood. WHY would I NOT fight with everything I have to make happen what I know is right. What I KNOW the Lord wants. What I KNOW, without ANY doubt in my mind, heart and spirit to be true? I say to you I WILL!! I will NOT settle. I will live worthy, and let the Lord do the rest! It's not too much to ask, because I KNOW the Lord provides a way!

Things I MUST have in an Eternal Companion:

Worthy/Active Priesthood holder

CAN and WANTS to take me to the temple

Service oriented

Wants children

Can laugh at himself and with me

Has and makes goals

Wants to be better, and help me be better

Isn't complacent

Appreciates music

Good Listener

Easy/out going

There are probably a lot more...maybe I will update as they come to me...But that is a pretty good start!

Now...just to BECOME all of those things so I make it fair game!

Oh the chaos!

Alright so I haven't blogged in like a MILLION years!! Life has been CRAZY! I last blogged in January...let's see so that is...6...nearly 7 months. I feel as though I have failed. Remember that goal about being a better blogger? Alas, I am trying.

Events in my life since January:
I have completed my first year of teaching!! Woo-hoo!! It was amazing! I had the best group of kids EVER!! I miss them a lot, but I am excited for them to move on, and am super excited to be teaching KINDERGARTEN this year. That has always been my dream so I am pretty stoked.

I went to girl's camp and have a FANTASTIC time!! We went to Pine Valley Utah, and it was one of the best experiences ever!!! I seriously love the young women's program!

I got realeased from my primary teacher calling and am now primary chorister. (Ask me in a few more weeks if I am excited...;)

I have had the opportunity to have friends come visit! Pam has been here, Pam and Whitney have been here. Amber has visited. I had a complete blast with all of them and hope they felt the same way!!! I want them to come back!!! I have also had the opportunity to go and visit friends and family and I am grateful for those wonderful opportunities!

I have been endowed for a year. Holy CRAZY!! Where did time go?? I have a goal to make it to the temple every month as I head down the two year mark. I started by going in July! Whoot!

Let's see how I have been doing on my goals...

1 - Becoming a better teacher - I am working on it. I don't think this goal will ever stop and I am WAY excited to start the new year.

2 - Taking time for me - well, I'm not sure it has been constructive...but it is a work in progress.

3 - Reading scriptures - I am WORKING on it. A struggle as always but today in church I had an overwhelming desire to be better. To have the Holy Ghost with me ALWAYS, to make sure I take time to feel the comforter around me. I'm going to stop being afraid to ask for that comfort.

4 - Giving my all in my calling - well it is a new calling, and I am trying to be excited as I face new challenges, I will let you know how it goes.

5 - Appreciate friends and family - I am trying to not take them for granted. I know I need to be better at showing my love and appreciation to them.

6 - Saving money - Let's skim over that....haha, I did really well not running out of money for the summer. Does that count??

7 - Voice lessons - remember that money comment? Well it got tight. So, I had to stop...but I hope to try again someday!

8 - Making friends -WOW! This is a hard one when you live in a town where there are not very many people yor age...so it is a working goal!

9 - Attending the temple - As stated above, I am excited to be going. I LOVE the temple!!

10 - Keeping up on laundry - Is this a fair chore?? Haha, Sometimes I am better than others...

11 - Listening to the Holy Ghost - It is something I am learning to be guided by. I need to utilize this AWESOME gift. And I have really and truly started to understand that you don't have to have a smack upside the head...or even a whisper to know what to do. If you are living the way you should a lot of times the answers come without long deliberation. You are guided by having that strength and conviction already in your heart and mind.

Gigi's 90th Birthday/Goal Update/Scripture Reading

Happy 90th Birthday Gigi!

Today was my Gigi's 90th Birthday. We had a fabulous family get together/party for her birthday. I know that we take Gigi for granted because she doesn't seem anywhere close to 90! It is crazy how active and with it she is. It was fun to get a picture of all of us and just enjoy the company. Hopefully I will have more pictures to post soon!

My goals are going pretty good so far. I have been reading my scriptures everyday and have been excited to start going to Institute and have made some new friends. We have also decided to start an FHE group. We start Monday at my house, and I am making chocolate pie with graham cracker crust and whip cream! I think this is going to be super exciting! Laundry has been pretty successful thus far (Thanks to the help of Lizz). And temple attendance will resume once again on January 23rd, I cannot WAIT to go!! Saving money is one of those terrible things that I am not good at, but I will keep on trying. As for the rest I feel as though I love my family and friends, I am excited for voice on Tuesday, and taking time for me is coming in small but adequate doses!

During my scripture reading I have had some interesting insights. I feel like things are starting to make more sense to me and have a real life application. I have read the Book of Mormon before, but I feel like this time I am able to apply scripture to my life even more. As I was reading in 1 Nephi, he was talking about Lehi's vision. I was reading about the iron rod and the tree, and how Lehi wished his family would partake of the fruit. He spoke of the iron rod and how the people were holding tight and walking to the tree to partake of the fruit. As the mist of darkness came those people who had ALREADY partaken of the fruit fell away because of the temptations of the Devil.

And it got me thinking (Okay so this is an elementary concept I should have connected a LONG time ago, but I am trying people!) the fruit is the love of God, it is His truth and his word. This overwhelming sense of sadness came over me, these people knew God, they knew His word and His love, and they were still tempted to stray. It broke my heart to think this is possible. To think that bad things have happened to people with a testimony and instead of clinging to God's love, they withered away into Satan's domain and were left to feel sorrow and an ache that will never be filled. I never want anyone to know what that feeling is like.

This makes me want to remind people of what they have. It makes me want to share the gospel with EVERYONE! I wish I was braver, I wish I knew HOW! But I vow to try harder, because the sorrow I feel at this very thought moves me to action. I love this gospel! It is true, and I have taken it for granted, because I always knew it was there, it was comfortable and easy and safe. But how dare I do that! I have the true and restored gospel of Jesus Christ! I want to be better!

2010

2010 is a year of new commitments. A year of realizing my potential. I have never had a new year feel quite like this. I have so many things I want to accomplish, see, feel, dream. I want to live! I know 2010 is the year of making my life everything I want it to be. I have so many things I am excited for. So here and now I am going to list some of the things I hope to accomplish or become more successful at this year.

1. Becoming a better teacher. I have learned SO much in the past 5 months. I am so looking forward to starting a new semester with my students. I have a lot of ideas that are really getting me jazzed!!
2. Taking time for me. I have realized that when I am stressed and overwhelmed I shut down. I know this may sound funny, but it is HARD to live like that! I need to let myself de-stress and relax! That means a little pampering now and then.
3. Reading my sciptures EVERY day! I have always struggled with getting into a schedule/habit. This year my goal is to read everyday. It helps me to have this written down, because now I am more accountable, and it will drive me crazy if I don't stick with it!
4. Giving my all in my calling. I am now the primary teacher for the 10 year olds in my ward. So far in the class, we have 2 boys who are active. I find this calling very intimidating!! Wish me luck!
5. Appreciating my friends and family. I am extremely blessed with wonderful people in my life. I need to show my appreciation for them more. I hope to be a better sister, daughter, grand daughter, friend, teacher, colleague, child of God.
6. Saving money! I hope to be able to put some money away for a rainy day, and use both my money and time more wisely.
7. Voice lessons. I hope to really dedicate myself and become the best I can be.
8. Making friends. Living in Havasu has been a challenge due to the lack of people my age. It has been lonely at times and I hope that I can put myself out there more.
9. Attending the Temple. I have enjoyed the temple SO much this year, but there always room for improvement in the area of attendance. My goal is to make it no less than once a month.
10. Keeping up on laundry. I am TERRIBLE at it. There are ALWAYS so many clothes, hopefully in 2010 I won't change so much!

So once I got started I was satisfied with nothing less than 10. I hope that this year is a new beginning for all of us. A year of becoming better people, kinder, gentler, softer spoken, caring, encouraging, loving, appreciating, people. It doesnt matter what has happened in the past, if we recommit and have a desire to be better, the BEST is yet to be!!

Happy 2010!

11. Listening to the Holy Ghost! After typing this post I navigated away from this page thinking I had saved it. A message popped up that said, "Are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?" Without reading I clicked "ok." I had one of those feelings telling me "don't do that," but I did it anyway! Uhg! I hate when I don't listen!!! So when I went to view my blog this post wasn't there. LUCKILY, blogspot saves posts as drafts... In 2010, I am going to LISTEN!!!!

P.S. I am officially a certified teacher in the state of Arizona! Its about time!!