Christmas

Christmas was really great this year! I think I have finally matured enough to know it is so much more fun to give than to receive! However, I got some AMAZING presents this year! My family and friends are awesome! It all started back in Flagstaff with a beautiful and soft pink bath robe from Sarah. Then I got new bedding from my mom, a movie and stuffed zebra from LizZ, with the GREATEST compilaton CD EVER....16 versions of....BORN FREE!! Whooo!! Becca got me a "stick" Unicorn and seasons 1 & 2 of One Tree Hill! Gigi got me a movie and a ton of great stuff I needed. I got totally spoiled this Christmas and loved every second of it!! I am grateful I have my family and that we were able to spend time together! It seems we have all had our hardships and trials this year, but it was nice just to be together as a family.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas like I did! I am really grateful for all my friends and family and the support I get year round!

This is my Zebra, Stick Unicorn, and baby unicorn!

A Trip to Mesa

Since I have moved back to Parker it seems like my vacation has been a whirl wind of appointments and traveling and it is going by MUCH too fast, but it has been fun. Gigi and I decided to take a trip down to Mesa so she could see my Uncle Tom and his family, and I could see Pam. The planning for the trip was a lot more difficult than it should have been, but we finally made it. I dropped Gigi off at Tom's and finally got to Pam's at about 7:30ish.

Pam said we had "plans" and as soon as I got there we jumped in the car and headed out for another adventure. Pam is AMAZING! She took me to see the Mesa Temple lights. I have never even been on the grounds for the Mesa temple so I was ecstatic!! I didn't know we were taking pictures, so after a long day in the car I don't look that great but we had a blast!!

The NAST that will never be DORETED!

The last month or so has just FLOWN by. So I am officially done with my last semester of taking classes at NAU. I start my student teaching on January 5th, and I'm kinda nervous. I am excited to be back home but it is a bit of an adjustment. I am used to being in a bigger town for one. I am also used to doing what I want when I want to, without worrying about anyone else. It is a crazy change. I am having fun living with my grandma and seeing my sister and mom pretty much every day. I am really trying to organize my room and make it mine as much as possible. It is really hard to feel like you live in a place that isn't yours. So once I get my room all set up maybe I will post some pics.
However, I have to say that I truly enjoyed my time in Flag. Thinking about it makes me a little misty. I met great people, and had some great experiences. In my last post I showcased the best night EVER! Now I will share the NAST!!

I got to hang out with Amber, Stormy and Becky. We had SUCH a fun time! It brought back great memories and made new ones too!

Toboggan...BEST night EVER!

My roommates Chani and Sarah took me out to dinner and we had a great night. It was the first and last time we had ever gone out like that, but we had a blast! I am glad we did it!


We had Olive Garden for dinner and it was FABULOUS!

Then we went to Coco's for pie. I heard it0 was supposed to be good, but I was not impressed. We did make some pretty good commercials though.

And then we decided to take crazy pictures. Things got a little out of hand. Haha! We made a wicked awesome music/dance video as well.

October, WHY?!

I decided to differentiate from the last post for this little talk. Ya' see, while I was in Utah, I got a call from my Gigi. She told me my Papa probably wasn't going to make it through the day. As "prepared"as I thought I was for this call, I lost it. And while part of me was FURIOUS with myself for going to Utah when I had a feeling to go home that weekend, I was amazingly comforted by the fact that I was with Amber. She knew my feelings, she knew my Papa. I can't ever express to Amber the gratitude I had for her that day!

I got home to Flag about 6:45, I was debating whether or not to just head straight home as soon as I got here, but my mom and Gigi both told me I needed to stay in Flag and not miss class. As I brought my luggage in from the car I got a call from my sister that said my Papa had passed away. It was so difficult to hear the words, and as sad as I was mostly for my Gigi, I felt a sense of relief that he was no longer in pain. My Gigi and Papa are the crux of our family, and even though we all knew this was inevitable, it still shook us.

I think where I found the greatest strength was my older sister. She was there for my Gigi, and she was there for me. I feel I have grown closer to her from this experience. She made sure I was okay, even in her time of grief, she took care of me. I love her, and probably don't tell her that enough! It is amazing how tragedy or loss can make you really appreciate what you have!

You may be wondering about the Blog title...I would be...October....it isn't just any month, it just so happens to be the month my father passed away 10 years ago. 10 years, nearly half my life he has been gone. My mom said, "Just cry the whole month of October and you will be fine the rest of the year!" I guess loss just makes us stronger. And as weird as this is for me, death isn't quite as scary as it used to be. I don't see it as an end at all anymore. For the first time in my life, I realize that it is just the means to something greater.

A CRAZY trip to UTAH!

I have ALWAYS wanted to take some crazy long road trip just for the heck of it and this semester I found myself doing JUST that!! As I have mentioned I love Flag, and NAU, but sometimes things get to ya. It may be people, it may be hw, it may be your CRAZY 8am assessment teacher who believes in authentic assessment, but NEVER assesses authentically....that's another post all in itself. When these situations come up and you feel like life is too much, I have the solution. Go on a crazy long road trip and see AMAZING people!! It fixes ya right up!!

That is exactly what I did in the month of October 2008! I went to Provo, where I have never been before, and stayed with my good friends Amber and Ally. I had an AMAZING time. The trip was long, (8 hours) but worth every second! I got to have some amazing laughs, walk up a KILLER BYU hill, pretend to be a BYU student while "studying" in the library, and feel what it is like to NEVER be able to park ANYWHERE!!! It was just about one of the best weekends I have ever had. I don't think I ever properly thanked Amber and Ally. THANK-YOU my lovelies!!! You were there for me when I really needed it! Love you both!!

Flagstaff!

So my last post was that of my countdown to NAU! Anyone wondering how that turned out? Well ya see, I LOVE IT!!!! My roommates have all been really fun to get to know, and Flagstaff weather is AMAZING in the Summer and beginning of Fall!! I am taking SO many classes, and institute on top of that. I have a calling as the Enrichment Chairperson, (I still can't figure out why I am not Chair Woman, as there will never be an Enrichment Chair MAN, but whatever) and as much stress as I experience I get back ten-fold in blessings. I am not going to pretend I don't have REALLY hard days, and even weeks when I think, "Did I REALLY pick this?!" Overall though, I see the beauty of God in my life, and in the choices I make everyday. I am learning that it does not get easier being a "grown up." I'm not sure why as kids we can't wait for what is inevitable anyway. I will say that taking classes through Distance NAU really gave me an appreciation for the REAL thing. Actually going to classes, and talking to teachers and fellow students is such a resource I have taken for granted.

I also REALLY lucked out when it came to roommates. My fellow "North Wingers" and I have really hit it off. Sarah is AWESOME and Chani and I have become pretty close friends pretty fast. Sometimes I think if we didn't have each other we would be Flagstaff friendless. We have way more fun than should be allowed...

I am also really glad that I am starting to make some friends in my classes. The Senior Education group is surprisingly small, so we run into each other a lot and I am making some good friends.

Mary's Reception

So a VERY interesting phenomenon has happened in our family...The cousins, starting oldest and working their way down have managed to be married in PERFECT sequential order. My cousin directly older than me just got married. That's right...DIRECTLY older...Dun, Dun, Dun! I have a feeling I might let the family down on this one... Anyhow, I traveled down to Mesa to share in the joyous occasion. I stayed with Pam and it was a pretty fabulous weekend! Mary looked beautiful and it was great to see my Graunt and Gruncle.

The Countdown Begins

It is a crazy feeling when something you have been waiting SO long for is finally within reach! Of course I am talking about FINALLY going up to Flagstaff to attend NAU. I have been dreaming of NAU and Flagstaff since I started high school. I took detours and every time I got even close to the idea of NAU-Flag something came up. It almost seems surreal that I have 15 days til I leave. I just hope it is everything I want it to be.

Life has its frustrations...but it has good points too!

It has been a while since I last wrote and life doesn't seem to have gotten any easier. My calling is difficult because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the girls. I feel like I'm not reaching them, and like I don't have what they need from me. It seems incredibly overwhelming to do this all by myself. I signed on as 2nd counselor and out of our presidency...I'm the only one left! It's hard to juggle and balance everything I feel like I need to do. I feel let down by the rest of the presidency and yet I know I have to stick it out. This isn't about me, people have problems that will take precedence over other things. One piece of advice to anyone reading...if you do have to abandon something in your life, make sure you do it in a way other people will understand. Communication is a marvelous thing! It only takes a minute or so to say "Hey, my life is upside down right now, I need you to take over, is that cool?" I would be more than happy to handle things. It's harder to find out after the fact.

So along with all those wonderful frustrations comes some really great stuff as well. Life can really surprise you! It is important to take stock and really cherish the great things in your life! My best friend came and stayed a whole week with me! I don't think there is anything better than that in the WHOLE world! We played, and acted stupid, and did all those silly, fun things you can only do with your best friend! It renewed my faith in life and happiness! It can be really hard to feel joy and excitement when life just pushes you down. That's why I'm glad I have an amazing friend like Pam!

I have had a bumpy road with friends. I always seem to be the doormat, or the one who does all the listening. For the first time in my life I know what friendship is! Pam has stuck by me through heartaches, troubles at home, troubles at school, aggravation, frustration, disappointment, depression, loneliness, and the greatest thing of all, true happiness! She's the only person who I can tell anything to and not feel judged, or awkward, or stupid. She makes me feel safe and important. It may seem silly to "need someone to make you feel important" but we all have those times when we wonder if we matter at all, to anyone. With Pam I know that answer is always going to be a yes. Even if its after 12am and I am cranky as all get out! Its a blessing to know what true friendship is. It is a miracle in my life to call Pam my friend!

Another amazing thing in my life is that I have FINALLY been accepted into my apartment in Flagstaff. I know this is really small compared to my last bout of thankfulness, but it is an incredible feeling to know I have a place to live! I have gone through so many housing issues in the last year that I am ELATED to just be settled!! I am finally feeling like I get to have a little piece of my "regular" life back! Its a new phase and I am ready to face it head on!

I guess what I have realized is that life has ups and downs. It is what we take from each experience and how we use it to better ourselves that really matters. If we wallow and don't get back in the game we only end up hurting ourselves. The worst thing we can do, other than wallowing, is taking others down with us. If we need help we should seek it, or allow others to offer, but we should never hold on while we're drowning, if we don't want to be saved.

Girl's Camp

So I am 2nd Counselor in the YW Presidency and we went to camp June 16th-20th in Taylor, AZ. All-in-all I had a terriffic time at camp! I finally saw what camp is all about from a leader's perspective. I met some great YW leaders, and some great and hysterical young women. Our theme was Steadfast Like the Stars. I think it helped me realize that as long as I stand strong in holy places I will be doing whats right.

I found out that just because someone is supposed to be "leading" you, doesn't mean they will always be the best example! You can't count on anyone else to put you in a good situation. It is only up to us to protect ourselves.

I think this Girl's Camp will be the most memorable no matter how many times I go. Our girls decided....after the second day of camp, that they weren't having fun. So they decided to put hand sanitizer, face wash and hair product in the water and let me drink it. I was so thirsty I chugged about half my bottle and thought, "this doesn't taste right." The girls all laughed, supposedly because of my facial reaction. I finally got 2 of the girls to say they (the whole group) had put some hair stuff in the water as a joke. I said okay, I figured a little practical joke was okay. I started feeling really sick and I didn't want to make the girls feel bad so I didn't say anything. Well on the way home we had a confession. The girls wanted us (myself and the Pres. however she didn't drink it I warned her) to get sick so we would have to go home. I finally felt as though my sickness was verified. I'm not sure what hurt most, that they intentionally made me sick, or that they lied to my face about it. I talked to the Bishop on Sunday, he was supposed to take care of it, but neither he or the YW Pres. have said a thing to the girls. The hurts on top of everything else. I guess I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! Oh well! It just makes it hard for me to feel as though I have a connection to these girls. I guess only time will tell! So I guess camp was tainted, as was I, but I am trying to remember the good parts!

A little accident?

So I was awakened Thursday to my cell phone ringing. I thought about ignoring it because I was super tired and I wasn't sure I really wanted to talk to anyone who was calling me. However, just on the safe side I checked who was calling. I picked up my phone and it said "GrandPoobah" I was glad I decided to wake up enough to check. I andswered my phone and it was my grandpa, Mr. GrandPoobah. Anyhow, he said "We've had a little accident, can you come down here?" and he was crying, just enough for me to know something was WRONG! I jumped out of bed, threw on a shirt ran down the hallway grabbed my purse, shoes, and keys and bolted out the door. I vaguely remember my mom saying, "What's wrong?" I shouted that there had been an "accident" and I had to GO! I drove faster than I should have and my less than five minute drive seemed to take an eternity. I was crying and praying the whole way, basically that I would have enough strength, and clarity of mind to take care of everything.


I pulled into my grandparents drive way and my grandpa was standing by the car. I ran up and said "Where is she?!" He said she was in her bed. I was so scared and don't think I have ever moved so fast! I walked in and saw THIS...

So my grandma had tripped going up a curb and landed on her knee! It is hard to tell the scale, but her knee looked like a softball was growing out of it! It doesn't look NEARLY as terrifying as it did in person. After seeing my grandma I started to breathe again. While this was bad....it would be okay!


So, I decided to move in with my grandparents until I have to leave for girl's camp on the 16th. It has really been a blessing to spend time with and help my grandparents. My grandma, especially, has done so much for me, and like I have said before, she is pretty much my best friend! I guess being scared poo-less is a pretty good incentive to spend time and enjoy what you have!

Virtue...

Why is that people seem to think your virtue is only worth something if you have had to stop yourself midway from getting into BIG trouble? Why is it not enough for some people to realize that if you guard your virtue well enough you wont be put in a compromising position in the first place. Seriously, if I hear, "it's easier to fall into it than you think..." ONE more time, I think my head is going to blow up! If you DON'T put yourself there, it WON'T be easy to fall into, comprendo? And why is it that people think because the so called "opportunity" has never passed your way, you have no troubles, no problems, or no trials. Try saving yourself, and then have people tear you down and say you are only "virtuous" because you couldn't get any. We live in a ridiculous world! I wish that people would try to build each other up rather than find the next great dig. I know, I know...some people "didn't mean it the way it came out..." well maybe you need to think before you speak. I've kept myself holy, and clean, and tried to be the best person I could, and you know what. The Lord knows that. I guess I can rest assured that He knows my intentions. For anyone who feels the same way, we ARE good enough, and we should never think that our purity is anything less than a gift to and from God.

Finding out who I am

I've decided growing up is THE hardest thing to do. Maybe its just the finding out who you are part. I didn't think it was possible to change so much, or change so fast! I feel like one minute I am a scared little girl, and the next, well I'm confident and ready to tackle anything with a slight air of defiance. Who do I WANT to be? I've always been that good little mormon girl. Who says I can't be that girl while also being more. I guess I am just so sick of being the pleaser, the one who wants to make everyone else happy. I guess I am starting to realize that I am not a little girl anymore, I'm a woman, coming into my own. I need to make decisions that benefit me! I need to let go of the stupid drama, and feelings of inadequacy. I have done pretty well for myself. So who cares I am not exactly where I thought I would be. I am on the road with just a slight detour. I am going to take myself and life a little less serious. I am going to care about myself and MY decisions, and not worry over other people's choices. I can't change what is done, it only hurts to dwell. So I guess my new mission in life is to let go of the hurt, the pain, the regret...everything negative that I can't change. I'm only going to linger on the things that are important, and that I can do something about.

Life at it's finest!

So I have found myself living at home once again....I kinda didn't think I would ever be back here. It is a trial! Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful!! I am SO happy to not have to pay rent, and I am glad to be near my family! I get to see my Great-Grandmother, (Gigi, Grand-Poobah, G-ma, you may know her as one of these!) she is pretty much my best friend in the whole world!! She gets me, she loves me, and she always encourages me to make the most of myself! She appreciates me for me, and she genuinely compliments me, that always makes a girl feel good!!
Anyhow, the biggest problem with being back home is my lack of social life, my lack of institute and my lack of motivation. It is definitely difficult to be the only young single adult in your town and ward. Luckily I have found an AWESOMELY amazing friend named Steph! She is married and has two kids. She is an example of what I hope to achieve in my life, and I have been privileged to get to know her. She was called to be the Young Women president in our ward, and she called me as her second counselor. We have had such a fun time together and I really feel like we are making a difference. We have our hard times, but with the Lord's help we are plugging along! I never thought I would be in YW so young. I feel like I just left. It amazes me how fast your whole life and outlook can change. I didn't realize I could get so attached and feel so protective, not only so fast, but at all. I enjoy it more than I ever thought I would!
I guess all-in-all it isn't so bad to be home. I love my family, I am grateful for my calling and for finding Steph, those things make all the bad things worth it in the end!

Blogging Virgin

I have finally decided to jump on the blogging train! I figure I am more likely to make a record of my life if I get to type and try to make it pretty. So...here goes!